Chapter 12: The Ego and the Spirit: Two Sides of the Same Coin



"Ego boundaries must be hardened before they can be softened. An identity must be established before it can be transcended"
--Scott Peck, MD

I think we need to accept the fact that we will be uncomfortable and in pain at times, but some experiences must be lived out, explored and understood. It is worse to suppress and deny than to accept and explore. The pain is temporary; it will not last forever. This is our experience, there are no rights and wrongs, there are only choices. All roads lead to Rome as they say. Choosing which path is a personal choice unique to each of us. These are precious and valuable moments. The final destination is only a culmination of our life's journey. Without them, the journey itself doesn't exist. What is your destination? It becomes an unanswerable question. Think of it as a treasure hunt. You pick up the occasional clues and only when you finish will you know where and how you've arrived. If we neglect to pay attention, we may never be able to answer the question. Joy is the total awareness of positive and negative circumstances and choosing to appreciate all of them, without relinquishing responsibility, and yet surrendering to the moment, allowing the moment to ebb and flow, void of resistance. Merely noticing the experience and releasing once again. Paying attention means acknowledging our pain, anger, and sadness and also our happiness, excitement, peace and love. Love penetrates everything and it is our ultimate purpose.

It is difficult sometimes to maintain this state of mind. Our essence is Love and yet so many times and for so many of us, we live with blinders on. We react from defensive positions, instead of being in the world and understanding it with compassion. Eckhart Tolle writes that this part of ourselves is the ego self, an unconscious self. The term unconscious is used as a spiritual term not in a Freudian sense. Most of us live and see the world through the ego's perception. We are disconnected or unaware of our true divine nature. We spend our lives in a deep spiritual sleep. If this is how we exist in the world then any love we feel comes from another. Thus when others cannot fulfill our needs and desires, we feel hollow and empty without purpose. Most of us experience these moments from time to time, but when moments become months and years and even a lifetime, our attitude towards the world and those around us turns to selfish apathy. Nothing truly fulfills us and we feel incomplete despite how wonderful the circumstances may be.

At times, we are unconscious to the miracle of life, and unable to perceive the beauty that we are and the beauty that surrounds and encompasses our being. It can be difficult, to maintain this peaceful perspective of ourselves, especially with our hectic schedules. Maintaining a positive and loving awareness of who we are, one hundred percent of the time, is not the goal. The mere realization that there always exists a divinity within us and that this self can be felt at any given moment, is enough to change our perspective on the way we live. The challenge then becomes to peel away the layers of negativity, acquired by certain circumstances and people in our lives, including ourselves. That small shift in attitude is enough to break through pity, self-loathing and a feeling of inadequacy. Our goal becomes one of growth, understanding, compassion and forgiveness and not the unrealistic expectation of perfection or pure enlightenment, before we die. In my opinion, it is these very imperfections, unique to each individual, that make each of us special and endearing. When the critic kicks in, as my therapist use to say, we gently remind it that we may not be the best in the world at any one thing. We may not be the prettiest or the smartest, but combine all our qualities, and there lies the gift. The way we deal with our weaknesses and strengths in the present moment, will define the joy in our lives.

Eckhart Tolle refers to the present moment as, living in the now. He writes about being present in the moment with no judgment of the past, or the future. Just accepting this chosen moment to experience the divinity that we are. This means relinquishing the judgmental attitudes that we all have and allowing ourselves to be who we are, where we are, in that moment. That is the only requirement, to be fully present and aware.

Mother Theresa once said, "God does not require that we succeed, only that we try." This is not synonymous with having an apathetic approach to life, exactly the opposite. It is a compassionate way of understanding and fully accepting ourselves, our faults, weaknesses and transgressions. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. It is that basic. We must forgive ourselves, in order to have the capacity to truly forgive others. By doing this, it sets us free to enjoy the moment in our own unique perfection.

Eventually putting this philosophy into practice will begin to heal us spiritually and psychologically. The benefits will be seen in the moment. The more present and conscious of our actions we become, the easier it will be to achieve and remain for longer periods of time in this state of mind. The healthier we will become. For me the definition of compassion is to, love and accept ourselves completely, including our ego self (that part of us that was created by our humanity), with no judgments and no regrets, just fully present with humility.

It's true that most of us will not attain the complete enlightenment that Jesus and Buddha attained. But we are on our own individual spiritual journey at our own pace. Only we can truly heal ourselves and strive for more awareness. This is not a race or a competition to see who gets there first. In the game of golf, as Scott Peck describes in his book, Golf and the Spirit, we continually strive to improve our game. It is our own game we have to improve, regardless of how everyone else is playing. Even the pros end up in the water on occasion. We take our turn and focus on the ball. That is our present moment. Our goal is to improve our score over time and if in the end we have played better than when we started, then we have succeeded. Golf is an example of how you use an activity to practice bringing your attention to the present moment. The more focused you are on the ball and discourage other thoughts from distracting you, the better golf you will play. This type of mindfulness can be done with anything; cutting vegetables, gardening, running, fishing or meditating. There is nothing inherently peaceful in the activity itself, instead it is your mind and attention to the moment that allows you to feel detached from routine stress and yet centered spiritually, with a sense that you are a part of all that surrounds you.