Listening To MS

Chapter 13: Spirituality and the Shadow-Self: How do we reconcile the Two?

It is challenging to be fully present in humanity, embracing all it has to offer and yet continue to feel as if we're one with the universe. While the life of a monk for example is dedicated to maintaining this very connection and feeling of oneness, we must strive for a balance between the day to day responsibilities that require our physical attention and our spiritual selves that require nourishment from God. Somehow by merging the two, we are able to experience passion, disappointment and joy. By meditating on a regular basis, whatever form that takes for you, it could be sitting, running, gardening, etc, one can more easily incorporate our spirituality into our humanity. There is a symbiotic relationship between spirituality and physicality. It is by balancing the two that we experience the potential for greatest growth. Until you have truly experienced the grief in the moment you will prevent yourself from healing and your awareness of the divine will be suppressed as well.

Notice I have said your awareness. In reality we are divine already, and always perfectly spiritual. So the trick is not to become spiritual, but to become aware of our spiritual nature or essence while embracing humanity and all of its physical conditions. We are not on this earth to escape our physical bodies. We are here to enjoy them as much as we can. How magnificent and fortunate for us to be given such a privilege.

Having an ego is part of our humanity. It is the reason why we are capable of feeling resentment and jealousy, etc. It is here that the shadow-self makes itself known. Many refer to it as the darker side of our personality. As much as we would like to pretend that it doesn't exist, at least not in ourselves, we all have one. Carl Jung, a psychiatrist, refers to it as our shadow self. We struggle with it at times and when we suppress it for too long, deny or ignore it; it makes itself known quite dramatically in psychological and sometimes physical ways.

We all know of times when we avoid facing something that is troubling us and then become easily irritable towards others. Another example may be someone who suppresses anger to such an extent, that it becomes internalized and experiences it as self-hatred. When these conditions are chronic they go on to affect our bodies, through what is now referred to as the mind/body connection. This is not to say that we get sick on our own, far from it. Viruses and bacteria are very real and so is the slippery stair that caused you to break your leg. But how quickly we catch viruses and bacterial infections and how quickly we heal depends partly on our mind/body connection. So can you control everything? No. Control is an illusion. But do you have the potential to heal effectively and visualize your desires and dreams by co-creating with the Universe? Absolutely. So you can't control......but you can take charge of your life.

By listening to our bodies, minds and our higher self, by remaining open to the messages they offer us, we remain connected to our divine source. In this reality all aspects of our personalities are valuable and have their place. They deserve our respect and full attention. There is no point in denying our shadow-self and pretending that we're angelic. Instead know that you are angelic and embrace your shadow self with love and compassion, in order to heal authentically and experience those wonderful moments of expansive, present bliss.

People often say, "That comes from the heart." That's wonderful, but it's just as important to be in the heart, always present and aware of all emotion. We may try to kid ourselves by thinking; It is only pain that I suppress, I allow myself to feel joy. We are only slowly closing our hearts to all experience, including joy. If we continue to suppress emotions, not only will we become numb to life's experience but we will also feel hollow, empty, incomplete and alone. Sometimes it's difficult and too painful to go it alone. There are many ways of easing the process of healing. I encourage you to be kind to yourself by finding the nurturing balance that you need. Find someone you trust and confide in a friend.

Writing in a journal has always been cathartic for me. Treating yourself to a massage or energy healing to balance your system and reduce stress is also very helpful in the healing process. It's up to you to reach out. It is our awareness of the whole experience that completes us and makes us whole. I don't believe that ignorance is bliss. In knowing yourself, the more knowledge you have the better. Only then can you know how to heal. Otherwise how will you even know to ask for help?

We all have moments of what I call soulful weakness. Maybe a better term would be an ego overload, where we will use any psychological defense mechanism to avoid pain. Even this is temporarily healthy for us psychologically. There is only so much pain the ego can endure at a given moment. This varies from person to person and moment to moment. When someone is severely hurt and faints, it is because the pain is overwhelming and the ego shuts down in order to survive.

I'll give you a personal example. I have never had problems with injections or getting my blood drawn. When the nurse suggested that I would be more comfortable if I looked away, I continued to watch and was not disturbed in the least. However when I was diagnosed with MS, I was prescribed an injectable drug which had to be injected intramuscularly on a weekly basis. A nurse came to the house to teach me the proper procedure. No problem. I watched her do it on an orange, and then I practiced on that same orange. Okay, I'm ready. I pulled down my pants, pinched my thigh and basically jabbed my leg. I'm watching while injecting the drug. Quickly I became lightheaded, dizzy, nauseous, and nearly fainted as my eye rolled to the back of my head and the syringe was left dangling from my leg.

Needless to say my ego didn't like the idea of what seemed to be self-mutilation. Obviously that's not what it was, but from the ego's perspective, you just don't stab yourself, at least not while you're watching. Anyway now I inject subcutaneously with a wonderful gizmo that doesn't allow me to see the needle, much better. But let me clarify. Defense mechanisms are necessary and healthy as long as they are used appropriately as a response to a given stressful situation and they may only last for a short period of time. It is important to remember to experience, acknowledge, and process. Protecting ourselves from pain is a dynamic process, not a stagnant one. It is important to find meaning in the pain, but only if there is no healthy way of avoiding it. Thank God for subcutaneous injections--aahhh the wonders of technology.

There are times when we feel as though we are at a cross roads. We do feel stagnant and we realize that we are. It's difficult sometimes to know how to proceed. To understand what it is that will help us to persevere. When I am faced with these situations I find the following prayer helpful. It helps to keep me grounded and at peace in realizing that there are things that we can't control, and surrender is the key. God please grant me the courage to change the things that I can control, the serenity to accept the things that I can not, and the wisdom to know the difference.