Listening To MS

Prologue: Disease as a Catalyst for Change

Being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis was the beginning of a spiritual awakening for me. A personal transformation took place, changing my perception of the world and ultimately giving my life new meaning. I invite you into my world, as I share with you the significant stepping stones of this healing journey.

During my initial phase of grief, I was fortunate to have been surrounded by people who cared about my well being and who also struggled themselves with similar adversities. Listening to their stories, how they struggled and healed, gave me hope that the painful days of grief were temporary and that happiness would once again be a part of my life. There is a sense of isolation that one experiences when dealing with any crisis, especially a disease. These stories were essential in helping me realize that I was not alone.

Listening to music can be comforting because it connects with our innermost feelings; it touches our soul directly. Its vibration resonates with our own rhythm. Strangely, it is the melody and lyrics, that most resemble our present state of mind that we are drawn to. It is its familiarity, a universal acknowledgment of similar experience, whether it be pain, sadness or joy. We feel connected and understood. In the same way, listening to the experience of others made me realize I wasn.t alone. They understood first hand what I was going through. This support system of caring individuals, some who I had never met, gave me hope that I was merely at the beginning of my own healing process.

Multiple Sclerosis has forced me to reevaluate many things in life: my relationships, my career, my future goals, my spiritual life and our medical system. The world as I knew it had crumbled around me, I felt unsafe and insecure. Through the grieving process I began to see that what I had was more than a disease, it was an opportunity, a moment of true clarity. All superfluous mundane concerns were stripped away and so with a fresh optimistic perspective, I chose to accept MS as a precious gift. The idea that life was a gift was now my experience, no longer being a cognitive thought to contemplate but rather a palpable understanding.

People often speak of having lost their innocence after they have been confronted with a crisis; to the contrary -- I found mine. I learned to surrender to a higher power and relinquish control, giving way to a sense of peace and tranquility. Life was now fresh and crisp, a wonderfully raw experience. Suddenly skies were bluer and clouds mesmerizing; I felt the tenderness in the sweet cooing of a pair of doves. The sound of rustling leaves was almost lyrical, as if the trees could speak. There was crispness in the air and yet warmth enveloped me. Not since childhood had I felt so alive and free.

Multiple Sclerosis has been my challenge and part of my spiritual journey, a journey that continues to remind me to release my fears and to view obstacles as a chain of sacred moments of opportunity leading to growth. Maintaining a state of mind that facilitates a deep spiritual connection is difficult at times, a state in which we are open and connected to the world, feeling a part of everything that surrounds us. When these moments do happen, they are the simplest and most natural way to be and once again I am aware of the spiritual nature of our existence and the world we live in. This sacredness is who we are and exists in all of nature -- the spiritual essence of humanity. Through meditation, prayer and research, it became clear that mind, body and spirit were not ephemeral or poetic in nature, but were intertwined and interconnected; the sum of which was much greater than its parts. My idea and understanding of a reductionist.s approach to medicine would also shatter and a search for a new holistic approach ensued.

Strangely, my disease, or should I say the process of understanding its effect on my life, heightened my senses. As a result, my world is more vivid and experiences have become more precious than ever before. Please understand that this revelation, my new perspective and attitude towards life did not come overnight, but after dealing with much pain and depression. Those painful times were the catalyst and the beginning of a transformation. They are as important to my healing process as all the peaceful moments that were to come. Virginia Satir once said, .Life is not the way it.s supposed to be. It.s the way it is. How you cope with it is what makes the difference.. It is my sincere desire that the following pages be familiar lyrics whose music resonates to the beating of your heart. May my story be a catalyst for your own healing process, and an affirmation of the path you have already embarked upon.